| november rain |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|12:45 pm] |
txt msgs from graham from a while ago:
Graham: emmy hennings, c'est vous?
Boo: What?
Graham: it's all saints day. I'm matching people with lesser known saints.
Boo: Who is she?
Graham: in 1916 she co-founded cabaret voltaire, politics and art, after ten years performing in Berlin + Munich variety clubs + prison. she was both the star and creative engine of the cabaret but is systematically ignored by sexist art historians. she is also beautiful, like you.
***
Good to know that Graham is always around to make me feel better when I feel like shit.
He also likes to text me Guns'n'Roses lyrics every now and again. |
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| lover's revenge |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|03:37 pm] |
the only way to process effed up emotions: with morning champagne, cheese pizza and LLL/Johnny dancing around in their money boots, topless, wrapped in crinoline.
And if even that doesn't make you feel better? Well, that might be a sign of trouble. |
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| i want your love and i want your revenge |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|10:59 am] |
post week of 16 hour work days where i felt like i accomplished nothing
post night of DJing for almost 3 hours, split between 2 parties, ending at 4am
post attempts to produce new zine for expozine and failing
post tabling for 16 hours at expozine (aka most overwhelming event ever)
post 2 run-in encounters with an ex that i generally don't speak to, both of which actually went okay
post participating in a public reading series for the first time in years and finding it to be unpleasant and unnerving... realizing that I am not that person anymore
post beating J and A's asses until bruised viciously at against the wall.
post make out with massive amount of hair pulling
post everyone i see telling me that i look exhausted (thanks guys?)
post not sleeping in my own bed for 3 days straight
post long string of houseguests that lasted since a week before Halloween.
post running out of toilet paper... 5 days ago (there goes every box of kleenex in the house)
post banging my head horrendously on the cupboard door, walking in the boots that hurt my left foot and allowing myself to be bruised all over my chest
post wondering why my parents haven't called me in a week
post drama with friends who are breaking up, making up, "cheating", feeling trapped, getting "grounded", drinking away their problems, going broke, getting fired, hating their jobs, stressing out, breaking down, holding on, growing up, losing face, hiding out, acting out and generally just surviving.
post dancing like no one was watching
post hugs with friends i see all the time and hugs with those i haven't seen in forever.
post laughing so hard that my stomach hurt and i was snorting air in through my nose to keep from suffocating.
post all this?
I am realizing that it's monday and nothing has changed. I still have 16 hour days ahead of me and I still have no idea why I feel like everything is balanced on the edge of disaster when everything is simultaneously pretty great. |
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| the last girl standing up against the wall |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|09:10 am] |
This week is wearing me down and tearing me down. I am so tired and unable and just plain unsure of what the fuck it is that I am doing. I hate my job. I've been working on this research project for 2 years and it is getting to be very boring and very depressing. I need out. But any other job would pay less and have worse hours. Being a Capricorn, my professional life is exceedingly important to my self-concept and now that my professional life is painful, it feels like my whole life is painful (which is ridiculous because, honestly, the rest of my life is so fucking stellar right now, I don't even know how to contain all of it in words). I spent 2 days in bed this past week. Not because I was sick but because I couldn't find the will to get up. I had told myself that I couldn't make plans with friends, that I had to dedicate those days to work... but when it came time to get up and do the work, I just couldn't. Instead I would just lie there and stare at the wall. It was so stupid and so terrible. I haven't done something like that since the age of teenage angst! Gross.
And now? Now I am fighting against the clock. Desperately. I am working 16 hour days trying to get all of the following done:
1. Log enough hours at my research job to pay my monthly expenses
2. Prepare my zines for Expozine this weekend (and get a new one done? It's looking unlikely).
3. Prepare for the 2 DJ sets that I am playing this weekend (and by extension, the 4 more that I will be playing in the rest of November).
4. Prepare for the performance that Johnny and I will be doing at the Against the Wall sex party on Saturday night.
5. Grading my students' papers and preparing for next week's class.
6. Preparing for my trip to Vancouver, I am leaving next Saturday (finding places to stay, scheduling visits with friends, preparing my work, arranging for shit here to be covered).
7. Getting the line up of performers and DJs together for next Friday's Cabaret Faux Pas
8. Preparing for the Radical Queer Semaine Meeting that is apparently happening in my living room next Friday evening, before Faux Pas.
I basically wake up shaking and feel sort of panicked and sick all day, every day.
But, just to be fair, life is also fucken rad right now... All those things that I am preparing for (Cabaret Faux Pas, Radical Queer Semaine, trip to Vancouver, DJing a whole bunch, the sex party, performing, expozine) are incredible things in my life right now that have me completely stoked on being alive. I suppose I need to calm the fuck down and just focus on the radness and perhaps then the work will just happen without the shaking and the sickness. |
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| are these girls fucking & mating or are they best friends out skating? |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|04:25 pm] |
others may come and go, but vomiting into each others' mouths is forever.
p.s. i cannot begin to explain how epic the last week has been... well, maybe i'll try:
- Nicky Click & Nikki Slikk = high femme hurricane that has left remnants of makeup smeared on walls and bobby pins littered throughout the house.
- Slikk & Click performed so hard that all their clothes came off! Hott.
- Mock Opera Horror Show resulted in extreme bruises, a huge mess, at least 3 outfits of mine completely ripped to shreds and major spaghetti cunt.
- when my dj shift starts at 4am, i should expect that the next 3 days of my life be totally fucked.
- The number one lesson learned at the 2110 SGM: "Only queens should EVER chair meetings".
- Also on the topic of 2110 SGM: I can't figure out what there was more of in that room, hotties or hostility.
- best friends should only ever visit in an unannounced manner! It makes everything incredibly exciting. |
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| livin' on a prayer |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|09:11 am] |
I can't afford it, but fuck it:
MTL to VAN Nov. 21
VAN to MTL Dec. 1
Wanna hang out? |
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| fist with a kiss |
[Oct. 28th, 2009|09:08 am] |
The return of the video blog! It is the season for the undead, right? |
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| i don't like it when you call me baby. |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|09:05 am] |
Nicky Click and Nikki Slikk descended upon our household last night around 12:30am. Those ladies are a storm of fabulousness. I had to drag myself away from the giggling and the stories and the politics and the hilarity at 2am in order to sleep (cause I have to fucking work today!). And so I am broadsided yet again with INCREDIBLE PEOPLE. That's the theme this week (lifetime?) apparently.
Right now, my life is so lovely and interesting and I am glad to be so lucky. |
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| you need another lover like you need a hole in your head. |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|10:11 pm] |
this week is stressful and simultaneously incredible. The reasons for this are overlapping:
1) It's the last week of the month which is ALWAYS my busiest work time because I procrastinate.
2) Halloween is this week which means that there's just about a million amazingly fun events to attend.
3) Cabaret Faux Pas is on Saturday and we are doing a HUGE show. I'm performing in 5 numbers!
Tonight I had an amazing supper with Johnny Forever, Julie and Amber Dawn. At a table like that I had to take a moment to appreciate the incredible people that I get to have in my life. After supper we went to a screening of Loree Erickson's "queer crip porn" titled WANT. Loree was there and gave an excellent lecture. I spoke with her about my class afterward and was able to purchase a copy of her film to show to my students. I can't wait!!!!
Now back to work... it's already past 10pm and I have 4 or 5 more hours to put in tonight. Fuck. |
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| now let go of my hand |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|01:04 pm] |
Almost an entire month of grand adventures. It's a good thing that I keep an obsessively detailed calendar.
Oct.3
I went to supper with ML and her family.... oh supper with the family of the person you've recently started dating... Needless to say, I was a little nervous. But I think it went well. I always feel weird and mildly uncomfortable when people ask me what I do for a living. Being involved in a research project where you write reports about children who were severely abused (often by members of the church) doesn't make for very comfortable table conversation. I always feel like I am ambushing people with depressing shit.
Afterward I came home to my own homo family. I sat in the kitchen with a gin and tonic and listened to music very loud. It was one of those moments, simple and unexpected, when I just felt so very good and perfectly happy. From that point, there was something about that night. We all dressed up for the Q-Team Mythical Creatures party and headed down feeling like the night belonged to us. And it really did. We danced madly and flirted mercilessly. And that's the thing about a night like that... everyone is flirting mercilessly, so it works out smashingly. I DJed the closing set and had such a fabulous time. I think that my good time translated onto the floor and everyone seemed to have had a blast.
Oct. 4
Quiet recovery day. Brunch house meeting. Lots of amazing plans were made. I love my household, we are such a lovely little family. In the afternoon I went over to Kate's house. She has decided to move to Vancouver and, as part of her preparation to move, she liquidated her record collection (which was 1700 large). I bought about 100 records including some serious gems like Antony and the Johnsons, Patti Smith and Against Me!
Oct. 5
Played pool with James. Remembered that I am actually pretty good at it and really enjoy it quite a bit. Afterward had a date with Maxime, all negotiations and delights. A very interesting situation indeed.
Oct. 6
Spent the day with Johnny at "our other living room" AKA the cafe down the block. We spend at least 3 days a week there, working. The staff loves us and know all about the research that both of us are doing. Plus they make the best potato salad and soy chai in town. Karl (!!!) joined us. It was the first time I'd seen Karl in almost a year. He worked on an article for a science magazine and we all just hung out. I could almost close my eyes and pretend that Karl was living in Montreal and that we'd see each other like this every day. It was grand.
Afterward I went home and was visited by K-la and Sylvie. Two visits from long lost Vancouver darlings in one day! A seriously joyous overload. We drank ciders in the kitchen while I baked a cake (for Karl and Daniel's birthdays which are both on Oct.7). Then I cut K-la and Sylvie's hair in the living room. I miss cutting people's hair! In Vancouver I had almost a dozen friends whose hair I would cut regularly. Such a nice visit.
Had a date with ML that evening. We cooked together and almost burned the house down. Oh well.
Oct. 7
Mid-terms. I love mid-terms at new school because they are an opportunity for the cards to be laid out on the table. I was not disappointed and I feel extremely positive about the new direction that I feel the group will now go in.
Afterward I rushed home in order to deal with my douche bag landlord who had FINALLY come to fix the kitchen sink which had been broken for nearly 6 months. The entire time he yammered on with his extremely inappropriate and judgmental bullshit. He is the definition of unpleasant.
Then to Coco's house for exactly the opposite! Baked apples, spanikopita and beautiful conversation while the sun poured in through the window. Coco is magical!
Sadly it had to be cut short so that I could swing by Erin and Julie's in order to feed the cats and dog and play with them while the ladies of the house were away.
Rushed home at 6 and whipped together a grand supper for 7 people to celebrate Karl and Daniel's Birthdays! We drank lots of wine and told stories about our worst birthdays ever. Smoked shisha after the delicious chocolate orange cake and talked shit. Karl and I started pulling out the "remember whens" and it's always downhill from there.
Headed up to Il Motore with Karl (bike ride!) for the Mirah show. Who knew that every rad homo in town would be going to the Mirah show? Damn! It was such a delightful night of hobnobbing and beautiful music. Karl made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed myself. Then home to shower, gossip with LLL & Johnny and wait for my doorbell to ring.
Oct. 8
What a fucken morning. Parking ticket. Ikea. Killed the battery on the van. Oy. Thank God for morning kisses and breakfast at Tiffany's. Holy Fuck. Otherwise I'd just have to pitch myself.
Spent the evening hiding over at Julie and Erin's with the animals. Spent nearly 2 hours there, just feeling the love. Occupied myself with photobooth:
an obvious and pathetic attempt to increase my personal cuteness via proximity with adorable animals.
Blinded by a tail to the eye. A tragic story, really.
Love Triangle
Had our first Mock Opera meeting that night. Hashed out some final details. Spent the rest of the evening packing and preparing for my weekend.
And what a weekend.... I think that tackling Harvest and the rest of my month will have to wait until my next post. |
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| going in for the kill |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|12:46 am] |
Motivated by the upcoming Expozine event here in Montreal, Johnny and I decided that we should come up with a name to group together our two bodies of printed work in order to be able to distro and table together.
And so Mama Boy Press was born.
I love that we threw together a pretty decently functional site in a day. Go us. Way to avoid our "real" work. |
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| you better hope and pray that you wake one day back in your own world |
[Oct. 1st, 2009|07:52 am] |
My alarm was very ambitiously going off from about 5am... but I kept hitting snooze. I went down the hall to "wake" Johnny up at 6:30. This basically involved crawling into bed with them and listening to them tell me all about their dreams (which involved bike riding through a forest in which all the trees were filled with boa constrictors and dirty hippies...literally, all the hippies were covered in mud)*. We giggled uncontrollably and cuddled close for warmth as the room went from black to early morning brightness.
The beginning of a lovely day and a lovely new month. I promise myself to do 3 things that will help make October a little better than September:
1. Make a stricter work schedule and stick to it
2. Be more kind with myself
3. Keep my room immaculate and my outfits over the top.
*In case you're interested, this dream also involved:
- One of the hippies, who was really more like a skinhead somehow, trying to knock Johnny off their bike and into the water by the cunning use of ass shaking. Apparently Johnny avoided the vicious ass shake and turned to the hippie, accusing him of "hegemonic ass shaking". That's a verbatim quote.
- Divine (yes, from the John Waters films) manifested in the form of a living balloon... one of those "shiny, crinkly helium ones" that you get from the dollar or grocery store (or, according to Johnny, "from that dude in Warsaw who has so many, and most of them are unicorns"). At one point, Divine the balloon popped and we all had to figure out how to keep her alive.
I can't really remember my dreams last night, but when I woke up this morning, the very first thing that came into my head at the instance of first consciousness, was this song. I have a feeling it'll stay there all day.
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| missing all the cracks in the pavement |
[Sep. 30th, 2009|06:21 pm] |
Being back in Montreal, so far, involves:
- Epic Queen dance party in the kitchen while making tea (so epic, as a matter of fact, that Johnny knocked themself over)
- laughing hysterically on the kitchen floor
- chocolate covered blueberries
- 2 presents (without cause or reason), an unexpected bed picnic on arrival and a love letter left for me in my typewriter
- my class talking about incest, bestiality, fetishes, kink and consent.
- all of the roommates having a yelling conversation through the bathroom door, down the hall and in the kitchen about whether or not listening to someone process with you, but not actively participating other than remaining present throughout, constitutes having actually "processed with someone".
- the birth of Tuvia, the Bellarussian drag queen skinhead. She's a faggot who loves kittens.
- 5 gloves
- major window sill plant growth in my absence!
Purple and sweet basil... who said you can't transplant basil?! I prove you wrong!
Lavender.
Nasturtium. Maybe I'll get lucky and have winter flowers? It's an experiment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|01:01 pm] |
I head back to Montreal tonight. I've spent 5 days on the island now. It started on a ridiculously high note, then suffered under the pressure of all my expectations and then came back late in the game for a few underdog victories.
Things I discussed with my sister this weekend:
- our parents
- other people and how they are douchebags
- other people and how they are AMAZING
- growing up as us
- famous people and the news in their lives
- "you need to be more xxxxxxx"
- "you need to be less xxxxxxx"
- my romantic incompetences
- fashion
- a complete dissection of my neurotic nature
Montreal was starting to beat me down a bit and I was feeling a little "crazy" (as I tend to feel sometime). I really felt that PEI would just magically make me feel better... but it wasn't magic when i got here. In fact, I sort of felt worse for a day or so. But then I realized that I was doing what I usually do, which is expect something big and obvious. When really, things are usually much more simple and subtle. And now I'm on my way back, and I feel good about that, I feel like I can walk back into the fray with at least some confidence and excitement....although I already miss my family in advance.
me and my dad... although dad is passed out. |
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| the kids know how to stand |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|09:56 am] |
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I've been on Prince Edward Island since Friday. I am spending a lot of time thinking about recent developments and changes in my life. I keep trying to get some perspective on things but I just keep coming back to this feeling that something is off track. Which is weird because, if I break my life down into individual pieces, each piece seems to be doing rather well: I have a great place to live, I love my housemates, i am earning enough money to live comfortably, i have exciting plans for the future that I am putting into motion, my family is in a relatively okay place, i have good adventures in Montreal, after a year back i have developed a small but lovely group of friends, i am dating some charming and interesting people, i've been making art and zines again.... but then i step back a little and... it just doesn't all come into focus properly. Talking to my sister a lot is helping me to see that it likely has nothing to do with actual facts or circumstances, that it's likely just the way that I am looking at things. I just need to get my head on straight and stop being so damn hard on myself all the time. |
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| If you say I aim too high from down below |
[Sep. 11th, 2009|11:13 am] |
And so the tea regime begins again! According to Anastasia "Caffeinated Laura Boo is my favorite Laura Boo".
In other news:
- Best way to make a bedroom dance party even better: do it in bra and undies!
- Best reward after an IMMENSE day of work: typing letters to friends and preparing packages of zines to be sent off to faraway places.
- Went out to the "Shake Yr Groove Thang" Fundraiser last night. Saw Rae Spoon perform, which is always delightful, and sat with my arms around Kate. After the live music the venue turned into a terrible dance party though. Basically the club turned off almost ALL the lights and then had very sparse and random flashing spotlights as the only lighting. It was like we were all attempting to chat, flirt and dance in pitch black with random and distracting strobe-like moments. It was unsupportable. So we only stayed for about 30 minutes of stunted dancing before escaping. Johnny and I rode across town to check out "Hank" at the Mystique (which has been sold and is closing! Scandal! Tragedy!) but it was dead, so we rode home and went to bed.
- It's been confirmed that I'll be giving a 10 minute speech at my father's induction to the Harness Racing Hall of Fame. Sooooooooooo.... now I have to actually write the thing. Oh! And pick out an outfit!
Speaking of my family, here are some photos from my trip to PEI back in July. My mother and father came to MTL to pick up Bella's Bliss and her baby in order to transport them to their new home on the island. I caught a ride with them and had a nice (but short) visit.
Bella and her (as yet un-named) baby in the trailer... and my dad tucked into the side of the frame.
fluffy (my mother), laughing at me.
Angie. After a couple glasses of wine and lots of gossip, the pictures get "arty".
The barn cats getting fed. Such orderliness appeals to me.
me and a pony. how can you go wrong with a pony?
and a final bonus for the day: ( RANDOM PROCESSING OF MY CRAZY BULLSHIT ) |
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| it ended bad but i loved what we started |
[Sep. 10th, 2009|07:42 pm] |
Today I drank almost 3 full pots of black tea, more caffeine than I have ever consumed, in a single day, in my entire life. I also started taking a daily immune booster, and this thing makes me so fucking high (energetic, alert and sort of giddy). Basically I felt like I was on speed all fucking day. I was talking so fast and typing so fast and giggling at everything. I kept starting to answer Stasia's questions before she finished asking them. At one point Stasia started to get concerned about me and say "okay, you seriously have to stop drinking tea. You're acting really strung out.... You're acting like me." But Stasia humored me and agreed to keep stopping our work to have incredibly intense dance parties... just short, one song dance parties involving extremely ridiculous and/or acrobatic moves. But, beyond all that, I got soooooo much accomplished and I was in such a phenomenal mood all day. My "to do" list today was long. The sort thing that you look at and say "oh fuck". But I seriously accomplished almost everything that was on the list! It's sort of scary and sickening.
I think I'm going to do this again tomorrow. Hopefully my heart won't explode in my chest. |
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| when will I learn? All you do is push me back in the dirt. |
[Sep. 9th, 2009|06:11 pm] |
Johnny: "If you had to fuck one of your sisters or they would both die, which one would you fuck?"
Anastasia: "I don't like your game."
Park Lafontaine is apparently good for:
- eating sushi
- sun tanning in full clothes (god forbid i take the f'ing hanky off or wear shorts...)
- asking questions that don't have answers
- processing my emotions concerning my life, work and other nonsense (p.s. i hate processing).
- having Anastasia rip apart my entire life in order to help me build my confidence (I'm still not sure how that works exactly...)
- trying to squeeze the last few good moments out of summer in the company of good friends.
- taking photos of myself where you can actually see the stress and uncertainty in the lines on my forehead.
Boo: "Why do you keep trying to get people on the incest train with you?"
Johnny: "Not people, just you."
Boo: "Oh." |
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