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19 July 2010 @ 05:51 pm
tip on the tightrope  
I've been terribly absent from writing here, which I always feel bad about because I like creating some record of what's going on with me so that I can look back and remember. So I guess I've got a little catching up to do.

News in my life:

- About 2 months ago I built myself a fixed gear bike out of a teeny tiny red myata diamond frame that ML found for me. ML explained everything that I had to do in detail, but let me do the entire build. It was incredible and I love my new bike (which I have lovingly named Red Emma). I ride it everywhere and am rediscovering my love for biking fast and furious through traffic downtown and empty streets in the middle of the night.

- Sadly, since the build, my sciatic nerve/hip problems (on my right side) have gotten much worse. The pain comes and goes, but when it's there, it seriously limits my mobility. I limp quite noticeably and painfully. At first it only affected my walking, but it has recently begun to impede me from riding my bike. I feel like I am slowly slipping into a state of in(dis?)ability. It's been pretty depressing and scary. It's frightening to feel like your body is slowly becoming something that you have no (or limited) control over.

- Things with ML are going really quite well. Basically, ML makes me extremely happy all the time. Sometimes it seems a little surreal to have landed in such an ideal romance that involves all good things (so much love, affection, wonderful sex, comedy, comfort) and none of the bad things that tend to drive me insane (fighting, passive aggressiveness, boredom, bullshit games, lack of communication). I keep waiting for the "honeymoon" to end, but the months keep passing and the goodness keeps lasting. And now that the one year mark is past? I guess I feel like maybe I should stop waiting for the other shoe to drop...

- My good friend Sylvie left town to head back to Vancouver. Before they left, they tattooed a beautiful Underwood No.5 typewriter on my left forearm. It's stunning and I am really happy every time that i look at it.

- Matthew, Daniel and Johnny Forever have all moved out of the House of Faux Pas. David is still here with me. There are 2 new folks who have signed on as housemates: Mikel and Christine. The house has had a very rough winter of discord and then a weird period when people were dispersing and the house became quite a mess. Now things are being pulled back together and new friendships are being built. It's an interesting process and I am trying to reconnect with why I love living here.

- After a long winter of not visiting PEI due to financial constraints, I finally went "home" for 4 days to hang out with my folks and sister. It was a quiet trip although there were a couple highlites: going to see a Regis & Kelly taping in Charlottetown, going to the Summerside Lobster Festival and having a beautiful supper at this magical little restaurant called "the pearl" with my sister, travis and reece.

- In early spring I performed in a 3 day burlesque show called "The Bare Necessities". I did 2 pieces: A comedy number with Johnny Forever and Laurence Laurence Laurence that saw the return of our popular characters, Nancy & Susan, the closeted housewives. The other number was a solo piece to Tina Turner's "I Can't Stand the Rain" which went very well despite how incredibly nervous I was. My conclusions? Comedy is so much less scary! If you fuck up in comedy you just need to come up with a clever line and work it into the plan. But if you fuck up during a serious "sexy" burlesque number, you can't really save your ass by yucking it up. I think that my performance work is getting better all the time though. I am learning to be more comfortable with myself, to take things further, to trust myself more.

- I have been performing more in general... I am trying to find my voice a little more, but I think I'm perhaps a little caught right now... It's sort of like writer's block.

- I've jumped back into community organizing. I'm currently working on getting Cabaret Faux Pas back into the swing of things (with the help of my very good friend Jordan A.), organizing the yearly Pervers/Cite festival and learning the ropes with the already established Against the Wall Sex Party Collective. I am trying to put down more roots here in Montreal and be more grounded. I am rusty though. I have to remember how focused you have to be to keep juggling so many responsibilities. I think that my life has gotten a little blurry in the last years. I am pretty sure that taking on the contract that currently pays my bills had a lot of negative effects. Working from home, without a schedule, not being connected to the fruits of my labour, it has made me feel a little lost. I have to remember that my life is building and growing and going somewhere... it's not just a passing of time for no reason whatsoever.

- I've been having a generally eventful summer, but I've been trying to also embrace a more relaxed life. I am tired of feeling like I need to rush to keep up with the rest of the queer world in order to qualify as someone of merit. Don't get me wrong, I love to get dolled up and spend the whole night on the dance floor, but I think I'm realizing that I need to let myself walk a little slower if that's the pace that feels best. I need to stop trying to be someone else, someone I perceive as more interesting or attractive than I am. I am trying to have lots of tea with friends, take small trips, develop meaningful relationships, read more books, write more letters, cook more meals, make more art, be more politically connected....

- I have a new pet. Her name is Wilhemina (Mina for short) and she is a hedgehog. She's still a pretty huffy little lady, but we are slowly becoming friends.

That's pretty much it. I'll try to be here more from now on.
nicov3g4n on July 20th, 2010 01:23 am (UTC)
I find that stretching and weights have helped a lot with my knee problems. Fixed gears are not good for joints. I find it good for winter riding, and okay for other season riding. Long distances or daily commuting is bad times though. Also, skinny tires can kill you in terms of shock.

These are my bike life lessons thus far.
Laura Boopeekaboo on July 20th, 2010 03:53 am (UTC)
i really need to rock out on some yoga and get myself back into a state where i can start to work out. at this point, anything high impact just about kills me.
nicov3g4n on July 20th, 2010 12:33 pm (UTC)
High impact kills me too. I can run RARELY. Mostly I just do eliptical or step class or yoga. But weight lifting... you can start out really low and work your way up. I think it's one of the best things for unhappy muscles... especially if you're going to use them even more with exercise.
nixwilliams on July 20th, 2010 08:44 am (UTC)
you have been totally busy! i understand the desire to relax a bit - slow down and spend more time savouring things instead of bounding off to the next bit of excitement!
Laura Boopeekaboo on July 20th, 2010 02:18 pm (UTC)
sometimes i think i'm not busy enough though...
nixwilliams on July 20th, 2010 08:28 pm (UTC)
busy enough for what?!
Kate Lamothemindtheft on July 20th, 2010 11:03 am (UTC)
*such a nice read*
I've missed having you in my life dear so it's nice reading your updates. We should have a phone date sometime, after the trans film fest/forum wraps up here in Van!
Laura Boopeekaboo on July 20th, 2010 02:18 pm (UTC)
Re: *such a nice read*
i miss you too! but it seems like you are totally rocking the west coast scene! definitely let's arrange a time to chat it up soon so i can hear all about your triumphs!
Kate Lamothemindtheft on July 21st, 2010 06:22 pm (UTC)
Re: *such a nice read*
cool, I'll send you a msg next week with what works best...can't wait!
darubadaruba on July 20th, 2010 04:55 pm (UTC)
as always, when you get in the groove, your do-do-do is overwhelming to read.

I don't know where you find the energy, but good for you!
Laura Boopeekaboo on July 20th, 2010 06:31 pm (UTC)
it's easy to make it seem like i do a lot when i post once every 3 months.
darubadaruba on July 20th, 2010 06:47 pm (UTC)
well, there's that..

but i post every 3 months and i show that i do nothing
Laura Boopeekaboo on July 20th, 2010 07:13 pm (UTC)
Actually, you show that you are really private and though you like interacting with folks on LJ, you actually don't want to divulge private information about yourself. There's a difference.
darubadaruba on July 20th, 2010 07:18 pm (UTC)
maybe there's some of that going on too

horrible tendancy of the scorpio, btw

even though i know you hate that stuff
Laura Boopeekaboo on July 20th, 2010 08:58 pm (UTC)
and the horrible tendency of the capricorn is to be right.
darubadaruba on July 20th, 2010 09:09 pm (UTC)
well, also, i'm addicted to video games, don't like the present state of art, music and the society outside the door of my apartment.. when i'm not video gaming I'm taking courses or working in a pointless job..

nothing really to report about.
Laura Boopeekaboo on July 20th, 2010 09:40 pm (UTC)
somehow it comforts me that you never change.
darubadaruba on July 20th, 2010 11:15 pm (UTC)
well, i drink alot less, i go out a lot less, and i like a lot less things.

So that's a change.

but the things I like i obsess over more and more

that's remained the same.