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17 October 2010 @ 04:59 pm
riding backwards on a pig  
Since my contract ended I've been feeling myself decompressing and becoming so much happier, so much more connected to my daily experience of life. True, I'm worried about money, my future, my dad, my health, etc., etc... but at least I'm not gripped with low-to-medium-level panic and despair all the time. It just feels like all the things that suck, aren't that hard to deal with anymore. I'm trying to be patient with myself.

I've spent a lot of the last two weeks on various road trips. Being unemployed has left me with a lot of flexibility in my schedule. ML and I went up to their family cottage in Petawawa, Ontario two weekends in a row, I drove to PEI with my sister and Travis for a 3 day visit and ML and I spent thanksgiving in Ottawa with their family. I feel like I've been on the highways a lot, which has afforded me a lot of time to think about "stuff". "Stuff" like, how my life turned out, how things are going with ML, my dad's illness, my family situation, my career path, my body, my behavior, my friends and my community (of lack thereof). I've had incredibly long conversations with ML, Travis, my sister, David and Jordan about all these things. I'm obviously in search mode, trying to find answers or figure out a puzzle.

My time on Prince Edward Island was particularly nice. Fall on PEI is obviously the best time. The weather is cool but not cold and the island isn't in tourist mode so much anymore. I got to have excellent, quality time with my mother, sister and father, each individually. That was something I missed during my last trip, since it was such a busy time for everyone. I spent a lot of time with my dad especially, just him and I. He is doing okay, but the A.D. is obviously progressing. I also visited my very good friend Cliff, who is in the hospital with heart failure. It was two of the best hours of my life, honestly. I love Cliff. I don't know if he'll ever come out of the hospital, but I am glad that I got 2 beautiful hours with him, making me laugh uncontrollably from his hospital bed.

I've taken on some contract writing work to see me through my unemployment. I'm ghost writing a grant for a documentary series being proposed to Channel 4 in the UK and I'm also working on 3 different articles for 2 different magazines (2B, a Montreal-based gay mag and FRONT, an artist's mag in Vancouver). I'm remembering that I really like to write and that I need more of a creative challenge in whatever work I decide to do next. I must admit, though, that I'm not the most confident about any of this. I am hoping to get some good work out there and then perhaps I'll feel like I have better footing.

October is proving to also be extremely busy, as usual. Johnny and I are preparing to perform in another Glam Gam Production at Cafe Cleopatre, one of these huge, glitzy cabaret events. We're working on a new Nancy & Susan (the closeted housewives) piece. Also, we're planning a big MOCK OPERA halloween show here at the house for Cabaret Faux Pas. So much glamour, so little time.

Honestly, a big part of me just wants to stay home all the time, out of the cold, drinking tea or wine, crafting, writing letters, reading books, watching movies and having sex with ML!

Photos from recent adventures!

ML's cottage is surrounded by a wealth of bizarre and amazing mushrooms. One of ML's hobbies is to attempt to identify the various species. These are two of the more gorgeous and odd finds:

King Boletes

Puff Ball! They actually explode and spew out spores.

Also, it was recently ML's 33rd birthday. There were various celebrations, including a lovely late night supper at ML's sibling JJ's place. For the occassion I made a really incredible cheesecake (with the help of my new food processor!). This is me gesticulating wildly while telling some story, as is my way.